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Feb. 19th, 2008

so, purcia has finally broken it off. i'm actually single now. (and he finally realizes it). he actually acted like i was comin out of left field. when your s.o. doesn't spend time with you durin your only 2 days together, shouldn't that tell you something? when your s.o. finally stops bitchin about all the money you spend on drinking, shouldn't that tell you something? i swear he cries more than me, an i cry a lot. oh well, i move into my own place in two weeks!!! yay!!!! it's cute, too. exposed beams on the vaulted ceiling.... balcony.... woods view.... 645 a month.... it's perfect! me & my kitty will be really happy there. now i just have to survive two weeks of rick cryin and tellin me how much he loves me. oh well, not everything can be perfect....

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goodbye cruel world

goodbye cruel world
you don't want me here anyway
you prove it to me everyday
in every way
i'm done being your whipping boy
no more tormenting me
with false hope
and dreams of happiness
you've won
i give up
i promise not to bother you anymore
no one will have to listen to me again
i'll go
and never come back
goodbye cruel world
i'm not sorry to leave you

xmas again?

hey it's xmas again. where did the last year go? i swear it was just xmas last week! i must be getting old.... so once again i get to work while everyone else in the world is having fun. oh well, i should be used to it by now, right? i should get a job not at a theme park. then i could have holidays off (maybe). of course, all the restaurants i would willingly work for are open on xmas, so i guess that wouldn't work either. dammit where's that animation job when you need it? well i just wanted to say merry xmas to everyone before i rush off to make 20000 people happy yet again. (later this week it'll be more like 35000) god i hate holidays, just let them end quickly please!!!!

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scared

who is the scared girl
in the mirror
looking back at me
what is she frightened of
it's only life
her eyes are filled with tears
and she never smiles anymore
why is she so scared
it only hurts sometimes
and eventually it fades
how did she get this way
did someone hurt her
did she give up
does she still care
how can i save her
when i'm just as scared as her

my movie

ok so i know some people have already been forced to watch this but i'm posting it here for the rest of you!
xmen dark tideCollapse )

stupid rockstar

so i drank rockstar during the long drive home an now i can't sleep.


not cool.....

idk

ok so i haven't been on in forever. my bad. life seems to get me caught up a little too much so that i completely forget that there might actually be someone who cares. well i'm back cuz some stuff is a little too dirty for myspace.... an where else can i find awesome gay porn? eventually i will start writing again but after driving all day and spending like three hours with my family i'm kinda exhausted. but my mommy gave me a nifty new monitor and now i'm using it so i can get used to the brighter & better screen. i turned down the brightness an it's still WAY brighter than my old one. it's bigger too, so i can see more of the screen AND i turned my resolution up! so i think i'm gonna pop in a movie and lay on my bed to watch it..... most likely i'll be asleep 5 mins later. an michan, no i still don't have any :< life sux. i miss your xanex they were awesome! maybe i'll suck it up an go to the doc so i can get my own scrip..... btw i don't know how to make a cut so if someone could tell me that would be awesome! i don't wanna fill anyone's page just cuz i wrote a really long story or somethin.... btw a story will be comin be prepared....
purple kisses an good night!

fears

i want to believe in you
but there's so much to be afraid of
so many things can go wrong
i've been hurt so badly before
i can't live through that again
i just want to be happy
and that's what you give me
can it be real?
when you're around i smile more
when you're gone i think it doesn't exist
why am i always so uncertain
when i should know how you feel
it's never been about sex
though that's nice too
but i still fear you finding someone prettier
or funnier
or more exciting
leaving me behind
i love everything about you
and i wonder what you see in me
i believe you when you say you love me
but later i find myself doubting my memories
i wish i could stay with you forever
so these doubts can be assuaged
i know how you feel
but a tiny voice always questions
always the fear of being hurt again
always the fear of losing you
because you mean so much to me
i can't imagine being without you
love me
as i love you
shelter me from my fears
and i will always be yours
i want to believe
but i'm so scared....

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dream

the dream continues
all becomes fogged over
the world fades into insignificance
only the dream is real
dream of happy places
no tears allowed
only smiling faces
blue skies
the rain only falls at night
when darkness overcomes
and the dream fades to nightmare
grasping claws
pain and anguish my only companions
and i struggle
to find the dream of happiness
but it is lost
in the void of my mind
for another night
until the sun rises
and vanquishes the demons once more
banishing them for the daylight hours
allowing the dream to continue
for another day

lie out loud

i lie out loud
to any who listen
but the truth can only be whispered
lest someone hear
and understand
hide myself from the world
so no one can hurt me
but truly i hurt myself the most
by keeping secrets
by concealing
by refusing to open to the world
but the world is heartless
and does not care about me
for it has its own problems
its own secrets
and i cannot know
any truth except my own
unless i listen
for the small whisper
that shouts out everything
but i cannot hear it
for i am too busy
lying out loud
whispering the truth
and hiding everything

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